Posted: August 17, 2009 at 12:13 pm
From Aug 17, 2009
Life is so goddamned bittersweet.
Joyous birth of an adorable, healthy child to a dear friend with whom I used to spend my every day… Devastating surgery for my divine and beautiful friend to remove the cancer from her body… Elation over finishing my degree, riddled with various “no’s” from the college, it’s almost unbelievable until I actually get the diploma in my eager hands… An amazing job with awesome benefits and extraordinary pay, that I can’t escape from quickly enough… A home life that is beyond any of my dreams… The constant energy drain that escapes me through parenting two brilliant and fascinating children…
Yes, it’s bittersweet. And these emotions that accompany the simple act of BEing… They are magnificent. The highs and the lows define this existence with purity and rawness. As much as I feel alien in this world, I am not alienated, and I wouldn’t have given up this experience of life here for anything.
Life, death. The cycles of Earth, Summer, Winter…
I don’t remember what it was to be before I was born here, but if I was given an option, I’m sure glad I chose it.
Posted: August 10, 2009 at 12:12 pm
From Aug 10, 2009
I wonder if it’s normal that I feel simultaneously guilty for doing nothing and compelled to do more nothing.
Landon and I had the most magnificent wonderful few days off. We did whatever we wanted, and it turned out to be less eventful than it would’ve had we been ten years younger. Hell, five years younger, even.
It was perfect.
There are things I want to actively engage myself in. I’m still recovering, though. So, tell me I shouldn’t feel guilty for doing nothing.
Posted: July 30, 2009 at 12:08 pm
From Jul 30, 2009
I’m not sure if I’m supposed to feel different now that I’m done. I haven’t received my diploma yet, but I know I will soon. I suppose I’m pretty excited that I don’t have any more homework to do. I mean, that’s freaking fantastic, but… it hasn’t sunk in at this point.
I’m done. I’m done with my final final. I’m absolutely getting an A in my History & Systems class, and I’ll likely get an A or a B in my Research Methods II class. Cool.
I still have yet to decide if I’m going to walk. The ceremony will be in December. There’s a good possibility that I will, simply because it’s an excuse to have another party. We’re throwing a party at the end of August, and it’ll be a pig roast. A three day open house pig roast. That’s pretty exciting. And now I’ll have time to clean up the house before it starts. Hee hee.
I’m unofficially undecided about my master’s program. Ultimately, any way I look at it, I’m probably going to only need two years before that’s completed. And we’ve seen just how quickly the last two years have flown by… I mean, this PerilouslyPreocious blog is almost two years old. I think my birthday here is in August. So, ultimately, whatever I decide to do, I’m almost there. And it’s highly unlikely that I’m not going to do the masters… so. I just don’t know yet.
I suppose in the next month I’ll discover what it’s like to begin to pay back my student loans. I wonder if there’s a place where I can get a pay increase to cover that! Ha! I wonder if there’s a likelihood that I’ll get a raise at work. Who knows, really? Am I supposed to create announcements? Should I call my grandparents?? *laughing*
So, here it is. I’m not going to think about school for at least two months before I make any decisions. I feel like I sort of have a break coming to me. Of course, I’m equally excited about researching the various program options. Really, the sky is the limit. I’ve been considering what kinds of “fun” classes I can take in the mean time. I think I want to find something online. Or stick with that Naropa program I keep going back to. Yeah, good luck in getting me to not think about school for two months.
One thing I REALLY want to accomplish in my break is that I want to write a book. It’s time, now.
I guess I’ll go call folks. I mean, that’s what I’m supposed to do, right?
